The postman...

Hello Blog,




Strange things have been happening since I have been sick off work, which is now nearly cracking on for 3 month, maybe a bit longer to be honest I have lost all concept of time.

My employers have lacked on the contact and support front but things have been changing. I have had a 1% payrise, I have had an offer of free private healthcare and today I have received a 'Peoples Questionnaire'... WTF...

It is meant to be anonymous but it has my department recorded on the top ( my department is only 6 people) also a reference number and all that jazz. I have to complete whether I strongly agree, agree, disagree or strongly agree with the statements. These cover all areas from the working environment such as do I have safe storage etc, to management i.e. is my manager good basically and lots of other things inbetween.

I find this all a bit disconcerting, naturally my depression is making me paranoid and I get very suspicious of people and their motives but this is odd. I have been with the company for 5 1/2yrs and have never heard of this before and apparently the results and actions will be published to all employees. My trust is very slim anyway I find it hard to believe anyone, in particular my work really gives a damn about what I think.

Freaky.

On the more positive side I have re-applied to the Open Uni to work on my degree (AGAIN). I completed my level 1 Intro to social science two years ago and then moved onto Business and Economics which I soon had to give up due to work, lack of motivation and all such things. However I have signed up to do a level 2 course in Welfare, Society and Crime and am linking it into a BA in Social Policy and Criminology.


Not only does this subject fascinate me, I devour crime books both fact and fiction and anything about another culture and a persons experiences, but I also think this could be a positive step into moving into an area of work I have only dreamed about.
Maybe I will be fortunate enough to move into working with young offenders, community projects or even rehabilitation centre's.

A girl can dream.

The meeting with the CMHT's employment advisor actually went really well. She is very friendly and spoke to me on an even platform rather than that condescending way some of the mental health proffession seem to adopt. We discussed my problems at work and how she can support me if I decide to return even to the extent of meeting with me and my employers to arrange suitable adjustments. I explained how ashamed I feel for being off work and she reassured me that depression is a real illness and if my doctor views me as unable to work no one can dispute it.

Silly really I have had depression for over ten years now and when I hit these lows which seem to inevitably crop up every two to three years I still struggle to accept it. I have a big issue with self pity and blaming myself for things.

Anyway I have a booklet to fill in covering everything from positive affirmations to noting my current skills and even considering volunteering which would be a good way to get experience in a different working environment and could help with my course.

Anyway, I am all grubby from housework and finally rejecting the dead plants from my doorstep, I suppose them being there for a year is enough... lol..

Bubbly bath time now... xx