It is easy for me to become overwhelmed in my own self pity and forget the positive things happening around me and also to me.
When I am wrapped up in my own personal emotional turmoil I seem to allow my life to stop, frozen in place, my entire being and world defined by that one emotion. I switch off to those around me and become very self absorbed. Not a nice personality trait but one I am learning I have to admit and therefore I am better able to acknowledge when it happens and deal with it.
Time to sing the joys of blogging - yet again.
Saturday morning when I wrote about the birth of niece I was filled with envy, self pity and unable to see the beauty in the situation. After writing and almost purging the negativity I was feeling I felt calmer, more at peace as if somehow the writing of the emotions was a very cathartic experience.
This is a 'tool' often recommended in NA, the theraputic value of sharing your feelings and expressing them rather than allowing them to simmer inside, growing and becoming more difficult to manage. When it is 5am on a Saturday morning as loving as people are in NA I wasn't going to call any of my friends, this blog once again came into its own.
This week so far has been most enlightening. I have met the most beautiful new member of our family, the envy is still there but it is under control and I am now able to appreciate the pleasure my niece can give to us all.
After a very tiring weekend I went to the hospital Monday evening for my long awaited abdominal ultrasound scan. I was very anxious about this, my biggest fear oddly enough was that they would not find anything and the pain would be continual. Fortunately the nurse found out that I have a number of stones in my gallbladder, so my official diagnosis is gallstones. Hurrah, a reason for this intense pain over the last three and a half months.
I have an appointment to see my GP on Friday of this week so hopefully he will have the report from the hospital and we can discuss where we go from here. I am still in a lot pain but the knowledge of what is causing it and the knowledge that there are fairly straightforward (ish) treatment options is very reassuring.
Also Monday evening I got invited for a job interview, which I have attended today. I think today was more a case of a checking me out kind of thing. I will know by Thursday of next week whether I have reached round two, so fingers crossed for me please folks.
That's enough from me for now, catch you soon Blog xx
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