Hello Bloggy,
I am pants at thinking of titles so I have decided from now on to apply the most random thing that I can think of instead.
Things have been ok-ish this week, had my big downer mid week which was evident in my happy little bunny post. I was going to apologise there but I am not, this is my blog and my space to get out those random insane thoughts I have be they happy ones or sad. I am not writing this to seek anyone's approval or love or admiration so as a step in the right direction I am going to try and allow my feelings to flow and not feel guilt for them. (see how long it lasts eh?... lol)
Anyways, I have been working hard this week on changing my lifestyle. I know I have to be more sensible with money so I have joined a forum and am doing a few things to help me. I find if I try these on my own I don't get anywhere as I have no support or motivation and I need those to succeed. I am on SSP (statutary sick pay) about £70 a week a big income drop for me as my take home was roughly £300 a week.
I was sensible with money before and have savings put aside for emergencies and it was for a new car as I hate credit so was hoping to save up a fair amount in advance so only a smallish finance agreement was needed. Anyway no new car now, mine works ok.
I digress, which makes a change, I am now limiting my spends on groceries and am much more aware about planning meals particularly on the reduced/minimal fat diet too. I have also been making stews, rice salads (for stir frying and eating cold), cooking batches of meat and freezing in portions, basically I am trying to fill my freezer with lots of delicious but healthy foods so post operation I do not have to cook or rely too much on others. Doing this has revived my love of baking and cooking so I have also been making a lot more things and being a lot less wasteful.
For example I made a low fat fish pie on Wednesday,... it was a real let down so I ate some for my tea and had two portions remaining. The left over I added paprika, crushed ritz crackers and seasoning, shaped into patties and dipped in flour before frying into fish cakes. Delicious. I have a batch of fish cakes in the freezer now too.
It is quite surprising once you let your imagination run riot just what you can make with those left overs. Like tonight, I used up the dodgy spring onions, a courgette, some bacon and prawns and made a frittata which was lovely too.
It is kinda wierd I was thinking today just how happy I would be as a 1950's housewife. I love to cook for others and make the best with what I have. I love foraging, brambles from a hedge today and some cooking apples from the garden and I made a fruit tart. The simple life eh?
I got messed about a bit today with the hospital. I got three seperate letters from the gallstone clinic. One telling me I had an appt on 6th Oct (which I knew), one telling me it was cancelled and changed to 3rd Nov (not impressed), then another saying it was cancelled again and changed to Nov 17th. NOT HAPPY.
For a start why didnt they send one letter it was all dated the same for godsake... no wonder the NHS is short of money!!!
Anyway I am in so much pain still I cannot cope till Nov, I'd be lucky to get an op before Christmas then. I rang my GP Surgery spoke to the refferals admin and am now going to another hospital further away but 24th Sept. Even sooner than the original appointment. It kinda made me mad as she offered me four different times for that day. I do hope other waiting and delayed patients did the same.
I am also reducing my anti depressants to see if it helps my sleeping problems a bit, Doc is aware. I am on 40mg of Citalopram a day which I am dropping to 30mg. I haven't told my family as my mum is so scared about me doing anything, it does cross my mind a lot but I know it won't help things now. I am suffering a bit though. The sleep I know will take a fair while to adjust but I am suffering bouts of dizziness and confusion. I am also having strong vivid nightmares too. I will get through it though I hope, just need to be very aware of it and not rush so much like I did earlier rushing out of bed and hitting a wall in my confusion...lol.
Oh well.. I am off to go and photograph some things for ebay and take some more painkillers as this pain is not easing tonight and if I cant sleep I may as well do something useful.
Big Loves Bloggy xx
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