Pain...

Been thinking a lot about pain the last week, mainly because I have been feeling a lot of it..

Pain can come in so many different forms be it physical, emotional and even pleasurable.

The defenition of Pain as in the Cambridge Online Dictionary is

•

[C or U] a feeling of physical suffering caused by injury or illness

•

[C or U] emotional or mental suffering

That seems fairly straightforward but is it really that simple.

Pain to me may be no pain to someone else, there is no universal measurement of pain, the interpretation of pain from one person to the next is very different. The situation we are in may also have an enormous impact on our interpretations.

For example, if I stub my toe I scream blue murder, although if someone slaps me during an intimate encounter I will be putty in their hands.

Although for me personally the most intense and uncomfortable pain I suffer from is Emotional. For me I find it so immense, they call it depression, they say it is due to an imbalance of chemicals within my brain, they give me medication by the handful but what is really the answer.

Now they are referring me to see another CPN. If my addled memory serves me right, which to be honest would be a miracle after what I have done to it in my life, this will be the third. The first one told me playing pool and going swimming would stop me self harming. The second did not seem able to bond with me and spent time telling me I wouldn't ever kill myself, not handy when your talking to someone with a history of self harm and suicide attempts.

So, third time lucky... lets hope folks x

Although now I am in recovery this will be the first time I have seen anyone in the Psycho world without being an active addict. Maybe this could be why I am suffering with so much emotional pain, I have nothing to numb the way I feel. I am part way through my step 5 with NA which means I am sharing my resentments with my sponsor, myself and my Higher Power.

One thing that came up was the work and failures I have had with the Psycho area of the medical world and I have opened up a lot to the fact it is a very powerful two way process, there are no wonder cures and being doped up to the eyeballs is not beneficial.

Today,I found out a book I bought a while back during one of my charity shop expeditions called More Pocket Positives.. so today's quote is;

'We need never be ashamed of our tears,' Charles Dickens.

Thank you for reading x