Nothing will ever stay the same...
Today has been a big day of change for me. A real growth towards my recovery. The sharing of my step four is complete, the step over which I had procrastinated and felt immense fear. The one where I get honest with myself about the harms I have done to others and others had done unto myself during my life. Also those things for which I need to forgive myself, I am afterall only human and far from perfect!!
I built up intense fears around it, to the point where I had made this into something which was enormously important and in fact it is not. It is not an exam, if I find I now recall something I should have dealt with I will have more Step fours in which I can deal with it.
I have to learn life is a journey.
In fact many things about which I held resentments against people for are actually part of the rich tapestry of our lives which may hurt us, may cause us pain but also are lessons which numerous people undertake.
I cannot continue to fear being close to men because of the actions of one. In fact I am already learning slowly there are men out there with wonderful hearts and generous souls I just need to allow myself to trust them and let them into my heart.
Today I have felt the benefit of that trust in people through the love shown to me by my sponsor. The way she is able to listen to me, be completely unjudgmental but also able to direct me and open my mind to seeing my own defects.
Such an enlightening day..
1 comment:
Next time you face a seemingly insurmountable or daunting obstacle on your journey, look back at the last one and remember how you built it up into something it really wasn't, remember how good you felt when you conquered it.
Above all, remember that while you might not have always chosen the right roads to get where you are today, you are here today and you can choose the right road now.
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