.

I am frightened of me. Seems a strange thing to say but its true. I am frightened of me and my depressive head space.

I can go from feeling fairly ok to contemplating suicide in minutes. I find myself trolling the internet seeking out suicide methods, LD-50's and 'success' rates. Fortunately these are not easy to find. I hate it so much.

I feel torn up inside and so angry with myself. Why can I not be satisfied in life like everyone else? Why do I do these things to myself?

I cant be like everyone else and it makes me feel so frustrated its not fair. I just want to be able to content with my lot but I cant be I am never satisfied.

My GP has told me to contact him if I have these thoughts I know I should but its 330am on Sunday. Also I am scared of what will happen if I do.

I only want to be happy